When I was a senior in high school I lived through a betrayal so horrible it pretty much changed how I viewed the world and the people around me. You could say that it changed the color of the lenses that I saw the world through.
It was a classic case of my boyfriend fucks my best friend and everyone lies all summer long until they get caught. Now, I know I'm not the first person this has ever happened to. However, I'm fairly sure I took it harder than most people do. Because I'm a Scorpio and fiercely loyal to everyone I love, when I don't get that same loyalty back it devastates me. I did what any Scorpio would do. (And plenty of other passionately foolish women). I forgave him as soon as he stopped fucking her and hated her as fiercely as I had ever loved her. Forever.
It's one thing to just cut someone out of your life and say that's it. But I hated her with such a vengeance that it affected me physically to be near her. Mentally she got way more time than she deserved. I realize now that anytime you are deeply emotional about a like or dislike for someone or something, the underlying emotion is PASSION.
This is the story of how that relationship came full circle and the passion that ensued.
One night in Paris I got involved in a conversation with my two best friends about my archrival. My friend Jenny's statement that really made me think was this; "It's not healthy for you to have all this hate bottled up inside you Shell. It's time to let it go."
Let it go. Could I do that? It had been five years since I'd had a relationship with Taylor. It was quite a bit to let go. Hatred and Bitterness. Could I ever forgive her? No. I didn't think so. But forgiving her and letting go of the anger were two different things weren't they? I mean after all we were all grown up now and she couldn't hurt me anymore. We were graduated from high school, college, I was successful in my chosen career and most importantly, completely happy with my life and totally in control of it. Like most things in life that don't kill you, the ordeal had probably made me stronger. The more I analyzed it the more I realized I had needed that anger and hate. It protected me from being completely devastated. It had driven me. It made it so my self-esteem wasn't seriously damaged. I never blamed myself for what happened and I never will. I might have if I was weaker. It also made it so that making up was never an issue. I'm glad for that. I know from prior experience that if someone does something that you know you shouldn't tolerate and you forgive them, you trade having them in your life for a little piece of your self-respect. When I was seventeen, I needed every bit of self-respect I had. But now things were different. I thought maybe I didn't need all that anger anymore.
There was a party. There was alcohol. And she was there. As I reached out to her tentatively, three things happened. The first thing I remember was how she reacted to me. And how it made me feel. You know, through all the years of fighting, I was always pretty sure of where she was mentally. I knew her pretty well and although we weren't exactly cut of the same cloth, our fabrics were very close to the same color. So when we battled and we did, I could always pretty much identify with her position. If we didn't have similarities, I wouldn't have been able to do this. What I picked up from Taylor that night in order was; guarded surprise, guarded curiosity, and guarded reaching back. Guarded because like me Taylor had lost something five years ago. She knew that if she put herself out there she risked rejection again. And I had been rejecting her for a long time. That's not so hard if you don't care. But if you let someone know you care, even yourself, then you can get hurt.
The second thing I remember it that we were connected. We always were. That night when she reached back I felt her. It was deep and significant.
The third thing was I wasn't ready. What I found when I reached out and she reached back was that I'd been wounded very deeply by someone I loved and I couldn't trust her. I also found a piece of my self-respect still wrapped up in it after all. I wasn't ready.
But why did I need to trust her anyway? What difference did it make? She lived somewhere else, and what did trust have to do with letting it go?
Oh! The fourth discovery; this is who I am. I know nothing of compromise when it comes to matters of the heart. It's all or nothing. There was to be no compromise with Taylor. If I could let go of all the hate and anger, I would be left with what I had before it was there. The fierce love and loyalty I have for all the people I call my friends. Underneath it all I discovered I missed her and loved her and to let it go meant that she could hurt me again. Oh! There's that self-respect thing. "Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me." I wasn't ready.
On New Year's Eve things started to change. Maybe it was the end of the year thing. I spoke to her on the phone and I could feel her again. I didn't see her that night. But she called me the next day and said she'd been thinking about me all night and she wanted to see me. And could it be, I was ready to forgive? I told her I wasn't sure but I agreed to see her. I told her I thought maybe it was time to just let it go. Even as I said it I knew that chances were, if I saw her there would be more. So much more.
Taylor had been overly sexual for as long as I'd known her. Whether or not she'd always been sexual for the right reasons was beside the point. I'd seen her naked and had never questioned anybody's desire to sleep with her. Not even my boyfriend or my girlfriend. I'd wondered what it would be like to fuck her on several occasions. I never had a problem fantasizing about it even when we weren't friends
So when she walked into my arms five days later, we walked into the bedroom and worked it out. We talked for two hours. We laughed and we cried. When it was all said and done we were left with what we'd started with. Love. And this new thing. Passion. The passion had come from the anger. The anger was gone. However, very quickly after we resolved things I felt her again. This time what I felt was that maybe Taylor had had a few fantasies of her own.
We went dancing. This energy wasn't going anywhere and before long we were kissing. Which if you've ever kissed a woman you know can be so much. There was no doubt where this was headed but it was to soon for me and she had another engagement for the evening. But she vowed to come back and three long weeks later she did. Not I moment to soon. I was more than ready for her.
Taylor stands the exact same height as me, which is 5'2. About 115lbs. She's lovely. She always has been. Blond shoulder length hair. Perfect wonderful 34C breasts. Black girl ass and thighs to hold it up. And those taunt "I do everything in these 5 inch stiletto platforms" stripper calves. And unlike so many of her stripper counterparts, everything she has she was born with.
I'm thicker than her. I weigh 128lbs. Auburn hair to the middle of my back. 36DD breasts. Hips and thighs to match. And more curves than a country road. All real.
When we stand and face each other we look right into each other's eyes. It's like that when we lay down too. When I got home she was taking a nap. I undressed and crawled into bed. I started running my hands up and down her body. The passion I'd been holding onto for all those years began coursing through my body. We were kissing and pressing up against each other. I found her neck and started trailing kisses down to her full wonderful breasts. Licking and sucking her perfect pink nipples and the moving down to her yummy tummy. Then her pussy. Then it's like clips from a movie. I remember the apprehension on both of our parts right at that moment. She was up on her elbows watching me. I was hesitating, lingering. She brought her hips up to my tongue. Then it gets blurry. I remember as I was licking and sucking her clit, her bucking and commanding that I keep eating her. I'm sure she was watching me in the mirror that's above my bed. At some point I looked up and saw her wonderful round ass in the air and her taunt thighs against my face as we 69ed. She did some other stuff to me too, but I don't remember. I remember the way I felt about her and what we were doing. Torrid wild abandon. I remember feasting on her. There's no other word for it. I remember being between her thighs and thinking I couldn't get far enough into that pussy of hers. I remember sticking my tongue all the way into her and licking her insides. I remember her calling out my name.
Then we went dancing. It was a wonderful exhausting weekend. The next day when we awoke from our nap the sex was different. Because as I'm kissing her, touching her, licking her, fingering her and sucking her, all I really want to be doing is fucking her. I want to be pressed up against her feeling her hot pussy rubbing up against mine. Grinding into her. There is something so torridly forbidden and delicious about other women. So that's what I did. I grinded with her. I found this wonderfully right position. Imagine; I was on my knees, she's on her back. She's got one of her legs between my legs and I've got the other one over my shoulder. Causing just the most perfect pussy-to-pussy contact you can imagine. It sent an orgasm shooting through me that landed me on top of her. I then picked up both her legs and threw them up over my shoulders. Because we're the same height, this position gave her clit just the right amount of pressure. I grinded with her, matching her rhythm until she was yelling and cuming. We collapsed into each other's arms a sweaty satisfied mess.
That night went from great to better. We had dinner then we dressed to go to the club. We dressed each other, did each other's hair and makeup. It was very intimate.
Then we went and got E. We dropped E with this other girl from Taylor's work and this bouncer from her old club. The four of us began the journey that is E. We danced until we could dance no more. We kissed and touched and drank and sucked. We smoked and talked and laughed and found the perfect roles that partners on the E adventure find. When it was over we were two again. In the early afternoon when we rose, the vibe that is E was still with us. So we shopped and we napped and when darkness fell, we danced again. In the darkness that is dawn with her hour of departure so near, we reached for each other a last time. And everything we needed we found. The pleasure and passion that I got from being with her tore through me like a river's current after a storm. I made her cum every way that I could and as many times as she could take.
When I dropped her off at the airport and held her and kissed her good-bye, I couldn't have been more pleasantly exhausted. Full circle now complete.
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